FalseProphets

Letter of Absence.

  Wow. Mr. Smarty Pants has been missing in action for over 2 months of time.  And my sincerest apologies.
I seem to have lost my way.  There have been many nights where i sat before the pc...my mind flooded with thoughts but no cohesion; and have been unable to "produce" anything.

  The more time passes the more difficult it becomes.  Gramma's death was a watershed moment for Mr. Smarty Pants.  I have always questioned things happening around me.  But now i question things happening inside me.  No. i am neither pregnant or playing host to an alien.  But now i have doubts about things i felt rather sure of before.  So...Mr. Smarty Pants needed a little time to sort things out in his head.

  There.  That's better. (not)

So much has happened in the world over the last weeks.  Mr. Smarty Pants won't even try to rehash all the shit from immigration and border control, to the rising prices of gasoline and come to think of it everything else.  And of course there's the decline of the Russian population which for whatever reason disturbs me.

So....to get my feet wet i'll stick to one recent topic that lit a fire under my ass.

The NSA is tracking our calls.

  Onto itself this is truly no great surprise to Mr. Smarty Pants.  They are after all the NSA.  Spying is what they do.  The NSA seems to lack the resources and know how to look for Al Queda abroad but decide that tens of millions of Americans deserve to be monitored for possible terrorist links.

  The government searches about 6% of container ships coming in from abroad but figures it has a better chance of detecting terrorists by tracking our phone calls.

  You can pretty much walk across our borders from north and south and east and west (well..swim from the latter two...) but George decides it's best to look into who his constituency calls in order to find the terror from within.

  Zarqawi and Bin Laden make more videos than Britney Spears and we can't find them. So...lets spy on our own citizens.

  What a bunch of pricks.

A New York Times/ CBS news poll found Bush's approval rating at 31%.

31%.

  To Mr. Smarty Pants this still means that three in ten Americans need to get the shit kicked out of them.  Or in the least have some sense knocked into them. Personally i prefer the former.

  Basically a 31% approval rating means that you really suck at whatever it is your doing.  Carried further it also means that maybe you should be doing something else for a living.  Something like testing for dud artillery shells with a hammer.  Lots of people suck at doing their jobs...and that's....ok.  But people like that shouldn't be president. 

  Yet....here we are.

The topic leads to another source of anger:

The Verizon Gestapo:

  Mr. Smarty Pants has been a long time user of Verizon's services.  And they happen to offer pretty decent phone and internet services.  But they sold out their customers by supplying the NSA with the data they required.  Their decision was not a required one.  Other communication companies denied the NSA access to such data.  It is after all an invasion of privacy.  Not to mention that NSA resources could be much more effectively allocated...but Verizon sold us out.

This is outrageous and Verizon should feel that outrage so maybe we should kick that company where it hurts.  Financially.

Mr. Smarty Pants needs to look at his Verizon contract but i'm pretty sure that there is a clause in there somewhere stating that Verizon will not share any customer information with anyone.

Which they did.  No matter how indirectly they may admit it was.

So....i smell a class action lawsuit.  And if there is one i want to be part of it.  Lets make Verizon hurt.  Let's reveal them to be collaborators and liars.

Any info on this topic would be greatly appreciated so please e-mail Mr. Smarty Pants or post a related comment.

P.S.

I'm back.

Sorta.

Fun with Dick and Cheney...

See Dick Talk. 

  Did anyone watch the Faux News interview Brit Hume held with president of vice Cheney on the umm..."hunting accident"?.  Mr. Smarty Pants has the transcript right here.

  You can almost hear dicks voice when you read it. You can almost smell the cheesy smell of dick.  But dick spoke anyway.  And what he said; when pondered about in a calm and systematic matter actually comes across as the same pile of horseshit as it would if i had simply rushed to my ongoing conclusions of old dick.

  First of all...in any instance where i've heard a story of someone shooting or stabbing someone else and then laying low for a day...it raises eyebrows.  If Whittington had shot cheney...we would have heard about it in real time.  Not in dick time. Dick time sucks.  Dick sucks.  Ponder that. 

  Anyhow....he's the vice president with an entourage, secret service, medical team, cell phones, satellite phones and no one thought to play out immediate "damage control"..??  Why was that..?

  Well...Dick said that he left it to Katherine Armstrong to release the "occurence" to the local paper (the next day) because she was "credible and a witness" to the occurence.  She also is the owner of the ranch and a good friend etc...etc.

  Ok.  So Mr. Smarty Pants draws up a scenario:

  Myself and my friend Egyptoid are in Central Park hunting pidgeon with his pitbull tracking.  We spot a flock of pidgeons feeding on the body of what seemed to be a scraggly old homeless Katrina refugee recently evicted from his hotel because of FEMA.

  Anyways, Egyptoid and i draw our typical NYC pidgeon hunting weapons:  i have a Smith and Wesson model 460 XVR Compensated Hunter with a laser sight and Egyptoid armed with his old but reliable RPB SM 10

  We take aim at the pidgeons as they feed on the homeless man and open fire.  We miss all the pidgeons but strike the scraggly old body. But wait...!!!  That's no scraggly old Katrina refugee..!!!  It is in fact Michael Chertoff head of Homeland Security on a bender after a party at the NYC Office of Emergency Management..!!!  And he's wounded about the face and left shoulder....!!!

What should we do..!?!?!?

  Well first of all i have Egyptoid transport Chertoff to the nearest hospital on the back of my motorbike.  We secured him with a bungee.  But then what..??

  Mr. Smarty Pants is a person of prestige and importance.  I can't just let news of this accident  leak out with rumors and innuendo?...should i notify my press secretary and one of my lawyers to represent me before the media....after all who's gonna believe it coming from me..??

Wait..!!

  I have a better idea...i'll sleep on it tonite, then tomorrow i'll contact that guy i know who works at the Central Park Zoo taking the garbage to the dumpster...what's his name....something Armstrong.  Anyway...he knows the terrain.  He's seen this kinda thing happen in the park before.  I'll have this Armstrong guy report the story to the press.  But what press..??  The New York Times..??  Washington Post maybe..??  no....i've got it..!!  The National Enquirer..!!!  That's what i'll do.  I'll have this Armstrong guy report the incident the the National Enquirer.  I'm sure once the Enquirer knows it'll eventually filter down to everyone else.  Makes perfect sense to me.

'Course if something happens to Chertoff before i go to the press this whole mess could be so easily handled....

  Nahh.  I'm not that heartless...am i..??

(Scenario Completed)

  So.  Did anyone draw any conclusions to the way i handled things in my scenario..??

Is Mr. Smarty Pants a paranoid left wing extremist..??  Or just paranoid..?

Neither.

I'm just a Smarty stranded on Planet Stupid.

Why a Dick should never own a Gun...

"Cheney's got a gun..."

  Unless you live in a cave (and aren't named Osama) you probably know what Dick did a couple of days ago.  Apparently while hunting quail our "vice" president shot 78 year old fellow hunter Harry Whittington in an "apparent" accident.  The Smoking Gun even came up with a copy of the incident report form.

  But....is this what really happened..??  Mr. Smarty Pants has learned (through my network of resources) evidence to the contrary.  White House Spokesman Scott Mclennan was "peppered" with questions from the press regarding the one day delay in reporting the incident in which Mr. Whittington was "peppered" with buckshot.

  Scotty seemed a little flustered.  He reflexively responded that the entire episode was just another example of how the left wing conspiracy was somehow involved in the incident.  He also added that Michael Moore was being investigated for possible sabotage of the shotgun involved in the shooting.

  After the press conference Mr.Smarty Pants had a 1 to 1 meeting with Scotty at one of his favorite haunts....Hooters.  After a couple of quarts of Hooterade with Cuervo i had my own press conference with Scotty.

Some of the transcript is as follows:

Smarty: "So...Scotty...why the delay in reporting the "accidental shooting".

Scott: "What accidental shooting?"

Smarty: "the Whittington shooting"

Scott:  "Oh...him.  We were seeing if he would die.  So much easier if he did but since he didn't we needed             an alibi."

Smarty: "An alibi..??"

Scotty:  "Yes.  An Alibi, an excuse usually intended to avert blame or punishment as for failure and    negligence."

Smarty:  "I see.  So tell me about this war in Iraq"

Scotty:  "What war in Iraq..?"

You get the idea.  The Bush administration works in it's own time zone which explains how the shooting was reported a day late, and the New Orleans levee breaks were actually discovered a day before the administration admits to it.  Then there's the wiretapping thats been going on longer than we knew and the list goes on and on.  And that's just the part of the iceberg that's just sticking out.  Imagine what we can't see.  yes i could have said "that's just the tip of the iceberg" but it's so cliche....

Senate reaches astonishing conclusion on FEMA !!!

  A Senate panel studying the FEMA response to hurricane Katrina has reached the conclusion that FEMA fucked up and is rife with waste and mismanagement even at this time.

  Man is the Senate on top of things or what..??  Did they just figure this out..??  Mr. Smarty Pants can't wait till the Senate learns that we won WWII and have landed on the moon.

  The Senate concluded that they would definitely give FEMA a thorough slap on the wrist as soon as they were done jerking each other off.

Soon to be on "Oprah's Book Club":

  Mr. Smarty Pants has for a long time believed that Mankind's bane shall be the artificial intelligence he himself has created.  And if we don't destroy each other first, the robots will.

  So i say...we try to get along with each other as people, develop world peace and international cooperation, end diseases and poverty worldwide so that only then can the robots vanquish us to extinction.

  But if your one of these 'optimist" types who thinks you have to survive in order to propogate the human race (but why..??)....then this is the book to read.

Knock yourself out.

Of Ignorance and Stupidity.

The Cartoon Network.

  The headline on CNN's web story was "Cartoon protests turn deadly". Normally Mr. Smarty Pants would find such a title amusing.  Imagine cartoons all over the world in a violent protest.  But i wish it were only that silly.  In fact it's a lot sillier.  Muslims all over the world are protesting the cartoon depiction of the Prophet Mohammed wearing a turban that contained a bomb with a lit fuse.

In Muslim law any depiction of Mohammed is unacceptable.  Add to that depiction a bomb in his turban and invariably your gonna have a lot of really pissed off Muslims.  Generally they are pissed off to begin with and rightfully so (in some cases) but a really pissed off Muslim..??  that's like saying you took a really wet shower.

  In any case it's not a good time to be Danish.
Denmark...a nation twice the size of Massachusetts with a population of 5.4 million really managed to step in it this time.   All Mr. Smarty Pants can think is "thank god it wasn't "us" this time.  Millions of Muslims around the world are angrily protesting the Danish publication of this cartoon.  Violently protesting it i might add.

  Mr. Smarty Pants is quite an open minded person. But for gods sake is there nothing these people can do but violently protest..??  I have yet to see a peace rally or reasonable attempts at discourse coming from the general public of Islam.  Not that we've done much on our part to win their trust and friendship.

  But shit....it's a fuckin' cartoon..!!!  Get over it already.  And lets move on.

Why Alberto Gonzalez sucks at his job.

  Albert has of late been defending "W's" domestic spying program as legal and justified.  And this is from the Attorney General.  Now...why is Alberto trying so hard to defend this policy of listening to American phone conversations without obtaining a warrant...?  Could it have something to do with the fact that he provided support for this program as White House counsel before he was appointed Attorney General..??

  So basically Alberto's hands are dirty too (again).  It would be hypocritical of him to oppose a plan as Attorney General that he helped devise as White House counsel.  That would be the pot calling the kettle black.  And in this administration the pot only calls the kettle "Commander in Chief".

The Attorney General is the highest ranking law enforcement officer in this country.  And just our luck...wouldn't you figure it....we have one with a blind eye.  Me no like Alberto.....

  Speaking as a Latino and as a Smarty Pants i have to say...it's a sad day for latino's when the only latino's of note that won't kiss george w's ass are fidel castro and hugo chavez.

Al Badawi has tunnel vision. 

  Jamal Al Badawi "mastermind" of the USS Cole attack escaped from a Yemeni prison with 22 other "class acts" by using an almost 400' long tunnel that was dug through some form of "friends and family" plan.  The tunnel started in the prison and exited at the ladies room at a mosque.  The prison itself was located at the headquarters of the military intelligence services of Yemen.  Apparently no one noticed the digging of a tunnel more than a block long.  Jamal left behind a painted message on a bed sheet.  It read:

"How bad are we..??  Al Badawi !"

  Where was military intelligence...??  What is military intelligence...?

Is there intelligent life in the military..??  We may never know.

One thing is for sure...tunnels are the next big fad.  We all saw the big one found last week by the DEA in Mexico headed right for the U.S., Al Queda prisoners now used a giant one to escape prison.  Back in the 80's there was a very popular club called "The Tunnel".

I should have seen the signs.  I should have seen the signs.

  Ugh...so much doom and gloom. here's some good news.

 

The State of Disunion, Wierd Al, and getting "Layed"

  Tomorrow the president will hold his "State of the Union" speech before the nation.  Mr. Smarty Pants has obtained a preview copy from Random House...the publishers of "A Million Little Pieces" and have been assured by them that the entire speech was based on facts and real events.  And that's good enough for me.

  In the speech was the usual shit about how the economy is turning around, layoffs are overblown, we're all getting rich on the tax cuts (umm..i mean all the rich are getting tax cuts), the national debt isn't as bad as we thought since China is offering us no finance charges on it for the first three months.  Let's see...what else...ahh..the medicare prescription plan is gonna keep the elderly swimming in pills at a fraction of the cost, the war is going exactly as planned and we should have all troops out in time for ski season on the ninth plane of hell.  Oh and domestic spying is really not a big deal...i mean really..wouldn't you like to know if your significant other was making phone calls to "another" significant other right..??  Of course you would.  This is the same thing...except on a national scale.  Then he'll end the speach with New Orleans and how in a cost saving measure plans to rename the city of Hammond Louisiana...you guessed it.."New Orleans" and thereby save on construction, levees and the such.  Meanwhile the true city of New Orleans will be declared a national monument and thus allowed to decay and fall apart over time by which time we'll all be dead and not really care anymore anyway.

Cool...glad things are going so well for us Americans.  I coulda sworn that they weren't but i was wrong and the president has assuaged my fears.

Whew.

Ayman Al-Zawahiri in new video.

  Yup  Al-Zawahiri appeared in a new video.  This time crisply dressed in white with a dark background behind him Al Zawahiri appeared in the video singing MC Hammer's "Can't Touch This" with six other masked dancers singing chorus and carrying AK-47's.

  He then went on to insult Bush on his failed attack and his war and promised to make Americans pay dearly.  The bastard then dared to say that Seattle would beat Pittsburgh by 17 points at the Super Bowl.

  Now you know he's crazy.

Lay's lawyers seek change in venue.

Former Enron CEO and current asshole Ken Lay and his jerk off buddy Jeff Skilling were having their lawyers attempt seeking a change in venue from having their trial held in Houston.  The lawyers are afraid that their clients cannot get a fair trial in Houston because they are so unpopular.

  As Mr. Smarty Pants sees it..if these jerkoffs actually got a fair trial...they would be convicted on all counts and sentenced to a lifetime of cavity searches till their balls blow off as dust in the wind.  What the lawyers should be looking for is an unfair trial where their clients are exonerated. and allowed to walk scott-free.  kinda like the O.J. trial but all white.

  Mr. Smarty Pants thinks they are gonna get a pretty fair trial.  Too bad for them.  I wanna see some Texas Justice.

"We have no clear understanding of what bullshit is, why there is so much of it, or what functions it serves." H.G. Frankfurt "On Bullshit"

  Why did Hamas win..?? One pretty decent story is right here.
Mr. Smarty Pants first gut reaction was "oh no..."  A terrorist organization at the head of a government.  Why now..?? Are Palestinian voters becoming as misguided as their western counterparts..??
Probably the greatest component to the Hamas victory was the serious corruption of prior Palestinian leadership and the powerless Palestinian Authority to come through with anything significant for the Palestinian people.  Kinda like what's going on here but with less gunfire in the air and exploding vehicles.

  In other words i don't think the Palestinians were voting in terrorrists...i think they were more like voting out corrupt sell outs.  Maybe we could take a few pointers from them.  Nonetheless Mr. Smarty Pants hopes that this won't be more of the same

Bush:  the "SH" is for Sshhhhh.

  George is on the offensive. (lol...a pun).  Anyways...he seems to be trying to defend his spying on Americans in order to protect them.  Who better to know whats for our own good.  Even if a lot of us aren't too comfortable with the idea of the government listening in on our conversations.  The government barely seems to listen to us but they want to listen to our phone calls.  I'll tell ya what...we'll compromise.  You can listen to my calls but only when i know your listening.  Thereby continuing the stalemate.  Kinda like a Cold War...but over civil rights.

I Am Kerry.  Hear me. (yawn)

  Meanwhile John Kerry woke from his sleep and is trying to drum up support for a filibuster against Sam Alito.  John Kerry rallying support..??  This from a man whose taped speaches are used to gently euthanize stray and sick animals..??

  Mr. Smarty Pants is wary of this strategy.  Alito is likely to get even more approval votes just to get Kerry to shut up.  You know the Democrats are up shit's creek when they allow Kerry to rally support for anything.  I swear it's like rooting for the Jets.  Heartbreak after idiotic heartbreak.

Go team.  yawn.....

A Million Little Pieces of Bullshit.

  Oprah went off on James Frey after first defending him on Larry King despite his admittance to fabrications in his "memoir".  Now all of a sudden his fabrications bothered her.  Or maybe it was somehow affecting her bottom line, reputation...etc.  Mr. Smarty Pants doesn't give a shit one way or another.  I thought the story inspired millions of people.  People could use a little inspiration.  Even if it's from fiction.  Take the bible for instance.  It inspires billions as a religious text.  But it reads like a wonderful work of fiction. Many people want to believe that it's true and yet know that it's not.  But they are inspired by it.  I personally was inspired by "The Lord of The Rings" trilogy.  But we all know that story is actually true.

Anyway...America...get over it already.

I kinda like quote # 158-A

" I never met Abramov..." George W. Bush.

  Problem is that he did meet Abramov and more than once.  Chief of Staff Andrew Card stated that Mr. Bush meets thousands of people at hundreds of events and he takes note of very few of them.

  Mr. Smarty Pants thinks this is in a way believable as our President really doesn't take note of much of anything anyhow.  Still...Abramov..?  Poor Andy card.  Chief of Staff eh..??  We know what Andy's job is right..??

Soy long and Tofu for everything....

  Suckaz....eating that nasty soy based product.  Flaunting to Mr. Smarty Pants how it's not only delicious but excellent for your health.  And now look.  As it turns out soy may be of no benefit whatsoever.  That miracle bean that could be made into milk, tofu, burgers, sexual lubricant, floor wax, shakes and whatever else may turn out to be no big deal at all.

  Mr. Smarty Pants can't wait for the day that soy is banned from bars and restaurants.  Finally.  A ray aof hope.  A sign of justice.

Ford plans massive layoffs in restructuring...

  Yup.  After losing to foreign competition for 10 years in a row Ford is now going to layoff somewhere around 30,000 workers in the next 6 years to make up for their $1.5 billion dollar loss.

  If you happen to look at the mileage on the car pictured on the linked story you might find one reason why.  Ford needs to get with the program.  Make good looking cars with decent mileage.  Ditch the monster trucks.  Just ditch 'em already.

  So instead of making a better car they lay off workers and will probably continue to make a shitty wasteful product.

Look for Ford to declare chapter 11 sometime soon.

 

The Union of the Snake.

  The transit strike has now completed it's second day and will probably lead into it's third.  Mr. Smarty Pants has been fortunate with two things a) i live in Manhattan south of 96 st. and b)  I happen to have a motorbike.  So i have been motorbiking to work these last two very cold days.  The traffic is a nightmare however so the having the motorbike in no way translates to speed between destinations but instead translates into having a seat between destinations.  At least as important as the latter.

  For me it's not the greatest inconvenience.  if i couldn't ride then i'd dig up my old bicycle or even walk.  No problem.  But to millions of others the strike is just another urban hardship.  If you are poor or aged or disabled or ill of health or even just lazy...this strike can be crippling.

Which is:

Why the Transit Workers Union can lick my hairy ass crevasse.

  Mr. Smarty Pants won't assume to know all the issues involved with the TWU striking but i like to think i'm fairly well informed with the major issues involved.  Nonetheless it is illegal and irresponsible for them to strike.  The damage the union is doing to the city and it's residents is major but it seems not to matter.  Imagine if the police went on strike.  Or maybe the FDNY.  That would never be tolerated.  Such should be the case with the TWU.

  One of my favorite things that Ronald Reagan did when he was president was fire all the air traffic controllers when they went on strike.  Fired them...trained new ones...replaced the old...life went on.

  The same should be done in this case.  Fire every member of the TWU that went on strike.  the jerkoffs get paid quite well to be rude and unhelpful.  Doesn't take rocket science to say "watch the closing doors" and hit one of two buttons".  A colleague of mine at work was amused at the fact that he saw subway station cleaners on a picket line.  "People clean the subway.??" he said.  "I never noticed."

  Hey...that urine smell isn't sprayed on ya know.  It's the real stuff.

So...let me get this straight...they want to continue to retire at 55 not 62+ like the average American.  They don't want to pay for their health benefits, they don't want to increase their own contributions to a pension and they want a 10% raise.

  I'll give 'em a raise.

  Fuckin' prima-donnas can kiss my ass.  Fire 'em all...train new ones...and No Unions.  Yes it will be a slow process but we have to think long term here and be less tolerant of selfish, narcissistic assholes.

  Employees can get together to bring about change without creating the ever corruptible all consuming "Union".  After all it's not a physical entity onto itself...it is in fact a collective of people working together.  Yeah...kinda socialist but so what..?  Like what we have now is Utopia..??

"...form a more perfect union..."

  Mr. Smarty Pants is not a fan of unions.  There was a time when they served a purpose.  Primarly in the improvement of working conditions and wages.  But then many of the more powerful unions became corrupt with nepotism and cronyism thriving.  Some even criminal.  But lately they seem to be amorphous intitutions which seem more designed to preserve themselves at the cost of everyone else's well being.  I have seen unions protecting the jobs of people who don't deserve it.  I have seen unions making people lazy and complacent.  Minimalist underachievers who have no sense of ambition or betterment of a society but instead will protect their own function at all costs even if that function is an obsolete one.  I have seen unions drive thousands of jobs away because of their own greed and need to be treated better than employees who aren't part of the 'Brotherhood".

  Fuck that and Fuck them.

Fire the assholes.  Hire and train individuals that will make a fair living based on their individual merits, skills, and achievements.  And lets not give in to a conglomeration of losers who feel they are more important than the people who pay their wages.

  Fucking assholes.

There.  I feel better.

Here's a bit of good news.  I always thought that cigarettes could sometimes give me an "edge".  Here's why.

Oh...and some helpful Transit strike tips and products.

Ahh...adrenalin spent.  Rant executed.

Disengage.

 

Illogical.

Submitted for your approval...... 

  Something terrible is happening. Something that would seem like fiction to William S. Borroughs.  Something that defies logic and therefore sanity.  It seems that as president bush has been claiming "mea culpa" to both leading us to war in Iraq with faulty information, and the handling (or lack thereof) of the hurricane Katrina situation...his poll numbers have creeped up.  This despite the fact he's screwed up everything  from healthcare, social welfare,  taxes, poor economy and a debt that will be passed on for a couple of generations.  He has with his policies and action ruined our international image and the little respect we were getting as a nation.

And Mr. Bush's numbers creep up.

  Why..??  Maybe some cross between the "Stockholm syndrome" and "battered wives syndrome".  The scumbag lies to us, beats the shit outta us and then when he's sober and apologizes we take him back because we think he is in fact "a good man at heart" and will better his ways. 

Well whoopdee fuckin' doo.

  Problem is you can't teach a dumb fuck good tricks.  Pinheads gonna do more damage before he's through.  But don't worry...he doesn't mean to.  Shit happens.  We all make mistakes. It's just that when bush makes them...it usually ruins lives.

Have you looked at his track record..??  What track record..??

Exactly.

Notes from the Underground

   There is a possible transit strike looming in the NYC area.  One that threatens to bring the city to a halt.  For millions the possibility exists that the only means for them to get around will temporarily cease to exist.

How cool is that..?

  At work Mr. Smarty Pants came across a memo the hospital administrators had written up.  it was a contingency plan of sorts that was to assist employees in arriving at work.  Mr. Smarty Pants will list the primary points of this memo.  Forgive me as i must paraphrase:

1. You will come to work.
2. Walk if you have to.  You could use the exercise anyway.
3. If you are in the outer boroughs and the rivers are frozen walk across....if not swim out one by one and form a human bridge for the rest to cross the hudson and east rivers.  There are enough of you to do this.
4. At the end of the day return home as you came.
5. please arrive on time as you will be docked for lateness.
6. Thank you and enjoy whatever holiday you choose to celebrate.  If you don't celebrate holidays...well good for you.

Mr. Smarty Pants hasn't been on the motorbike much the last couple of weeks due to the icy weather which i will not risk.  So i have been riding the subway headphones donned with volume at #25 with a calm yet menacingly unfriendly demeanor thus avoiding any unnecessary interaction.  Now a possible strike.

Mr. Smarty Pants won't even take sides in the matter.  The MTA board seem like a bunch of idiots.  Think of a giant multi headed hydra except really stupid and greedy with a lot of cash.  And as for the Transit Workers Union....let 'em enjoy the spotlight while they can.  Unions will one day be extinct.  Hunted down one by one and taken apart.  They'll be preserved and stuffed and then mounted on a game wall with other extinct species like pensions, social security, seniority, job security....etc....

  It's a really big wall with lotsa space. Filling up quick too.

Anyways....i'll get to work.  One way or another.  No rush.  And i could use the exercise.

News Flash..!!!

  Dr. Pookie got us a puppy...!!!  A beautiful little girl.  More on her later.

Placido Domingo (ie...calm sunday...)

  Sunday.  Mr. Smarty Pants one day off.  Also happens to be my favorite day to have off.  There's the NY Times, Press the Meat with Tim Russert, The McLaughlin Group, Pre-Football shows, Football games, Post-game football shows.  Today is a day i plan on traveling no more than 4 blocks from home.  Oh and i forgot Chris Mathews.  I once watched his show in high definition and could actually feel him spit on me as he said "political pundits".  It was kinda neat.  In a gross way.  Sunday is usually the day i do my laundry but Dr. Pookie did it for me while i was at work yesterday.  God bless her.  Usually Mr. Smarty Pants is quite particular about his laundry.  I don't like anyone doing it.  Something to do with my fear of being held liable for exposing someone to hazardous materials.  Anyhow she did it.  Her health seems to be good despite the fact and i won't discuss it any further.

Cyber Monday.

  Tomorrow is Cyber Monday.  Or so they say.  When Mr. Smarty Pants first heard this i assumed it had to do with it being a particularly heavy day for online sex. But i was sadly mistaken.  Apparently Cyber Monday is the heaviest online shopping day of the holiday season.  Why..??  According to who..??

  Mr. Smarty Pants thinks this is all made up corporate bullshit to get us all to consume using repetition and subliminal messages.  Cyber Monday..??  Gimme a friggin' break. Next will be QVC Thursday (no explanation needed) Paper Wednesday (the heaviest catalog shopping day for the computerless) Fetish Friday (heaviest sex paraphernalia christmas sale day) and of course Fat Tuesday (Mardi Gras...the biggest liquor sale time of the year).

  You can't make this stuff up.  The wierd part is you can make this stuff up and it can suddenly materialize as reality.  If you keep repeating it.

Brownie's Business.

  Former FEMA screwup Michael Brown has decided that he is so good at what he sucks at that he will now start a consulting firm to help people avoid the mistakes he made.  For instance here's a good one:

Mistake #1-  Going to Michael Brown for advice on disaster preparedness.

Mr. Smarty Pants believes that's all you need to know to be off on the road to proper disaster preparedness.  It can only get better after that.  I mean really...can you believe this guy..??

Usually it's some form of convicted felon that comes out of "the joint" and suddenly becomes a consultant on how to avoid a crime of his particular specialty (it's a male dominated field).  Be that internet crime, terrorism, robbery, sex crimes, burglary...etc.

But Brownie hasn't even done time.  So....Mr. Smarty Pants believes that before Brownie can make any money at being a jerkoff he should first earn the right by doing some jail time.

It would do him good.  It would do America good.

AIDS and Meds...

  So the number of people with HIV/AIDS in the world has topped 40 million with huge numbers of infection rates in parts of Africa and Asia.  The pharmaceutical companies which produce AIDS drugs refuse to relinquish their copyrights so that less expensive generic versions could be made and distributed to those who could never afford or obtain them.  And there are many people in that situation.  The Chinese have said that they could replicate such drugs at one tenth the cost.

Well....Mr. Smarty Pants figures that if the Chinese can replicate Louis Vuitton bags, pirate dvd's, and make most of the stuff we use...why not just make cheap and safe meds too..?  Screw the pharmaceutical companies.  This would save lives.  The argument that developing new meds is expensive is true but lame.  It's about money.  It's always about money.  Not lives....money.   So...screw them then.  Maybe having a fire under the collective ass of pharmaceutical companies will force them to diversify their research and developement of medications which would thus make them more competative.  And what better way of setting a fire under their asses than by making and selling their product at a fraction of the cost.  So they can either adapt or go extinct.  There will always be someone to fill their shoes.  Always.

Bastids.

Shape the Nation.

  It's funny how the Sunday pundits use the media to shape public opinion rather than to educate and inform us.  All these "shows" often feature political guests to oppose each other from both the left and right.  Never from somewhere in the middle because we can either be "left" or "right".  The politicians come at each other like pitbulls in a fight and once the camera's are off they pat each other on the back for such a good show.  The pundits themselves come off like NFL post game show hosts with the genius only offered by 20/20 hindsight.  As the credits roll up the screen everyone goes home happy from the set to the waiting arms of their respective minions for putting up a good show.

  oh...and those social and political issues they were tearing at each others throats over..??
They will go unresolved.  As always.

The rest of Sunday.

  Mr. Smarty Pants has had enough rest.  I have vacuumed and mopped the apartment while Dr. Pookie slept late.  Then a beer run to the market.  Return for football and internet nonsense.  Pay bills.  The usual.  Mr. Smarty Pants has been softening up Dr. Pookie to get her to agree to buying a new television.  Something simple but with high definition and a screen larger than i am.  And being that Mr. Smarty Pants is of a small frame i don't consider it being unreasonable.   This is phase 1.  Phase 2 will consists of Mr. Smarty Pants suffering from physical symptoms of watching a tv of such low resolution as we have now.  Symptoms like squinting, headaches and if that doesn't work i'll try siezures and blindness.  If that fails then Mr. Smarty Pants will have to arrange for an "accident" to occur to our current television.

Things you find in NYC phonebooths: