FalseProphets

When "Keeping it Real" goes wrong...

  It all started out with Ivette in "Big Brother" then it happened again with Melissa on trump's "Apprentice" and almost carried through on "Survivor Guatemala" with Lydia.  Fortunately for her..she was "keeping it real" in a more rational way.  Three latin women in reality shows.  One screws herself with the smaller prize thanks to her loud mouth and outspokenness beyond need and one gets eliminated by running her mouth and her opinions too fast too soon.  Living up to their own stereotypes is what failed them.  Not that Melissa said anything like "i'm gonna go Cuban on his ass.." like Ivette did but she ran her mouth...spoke badly about others and off the get go stated she prefers working with men.  And this is on episode One..??  See ya Melissa.

  Lydia...Mr. Smarty pants is praying that you are lacking those "keeping it real" genes.  They tend to work against you in reality TV.  But she is in fact quite worldly so if she doesn't alienate the kiddies she might do ok.

  It was in fact Dave Chappelle who inspired me with his "When keeping it real goes wrong" skits.  As hilarious as they are they happen all the time in real life.  Trust me...i see it every day.

  Now what exactly is "Keeping it real".  Good question.  The term itself was born of the inner city to the black and latino community.  Though Mr. Smarty Pants is latino and from the inner city...i was whisked away to a predominantly Italian neighborhood at about the age of 5 so for me "keeping it real" consisted of assimilation asap or be destroyed.  'course that all changed when i discovered CBGB's.

  Now...from what Mr. Smarty Pants knows..."keeping it real" is a term referring to maintaining an ethnic stereotype be it by behavior, musical preferance, clothing style, lifestyle...etc...regardless of social status or class.  Problem is sometimes "keeping it real" clashes with the assimilation into the "normal".  Or even worse "keeping it real" is inadvertently exposed to those who would rather you "keep it to yourself".

  Thus: When keeping it real goes wrong.

  Having lacked a specific culture to attach myself to; Mr. Smarty Pants has learned that "keeping it real" is said in different ways and means different things to different people.  And as is Human nature: Majority Rules (except in politics and the corporate worlds both of which defy the laws of physics altogether.) So...when "keeping it real" is in the minority....better watch your back.

  The wedding is less than 5 weeks away.  Mr. Smarty Pants has one of those rare full weekends off so...i'm picking up the wedding bands tomorrow (first time i leave manhattan in almost 4 weeks...and i didn't even notice)  Sunday i go in for a tux.  Not a traditional tux but a nice simple slender monkey suit.  Something like this is what i was thinking.

  I ordered a new battery and memory card for my camera on EBay for a ridiculously cheap price.  Mr. Smarty Pants carries a camera everywhere every day.  Just in case i need to photograph something beautiful, ugly, or historic.  Also good to argue parking tickets.

  Otherwise i'm settling in to life in the city.  I miss my dog though.  I think of him every day.  I know i'll see him again one day.  Him and everyone else i know whom i don't owe money to.  Anyways...life is pretty good all in all.  But not for all.

In the news:

 Aruba gets a break.  A couple of hurricanes is one thing but dealing with Natalee Holloway's mom is much more serious.

  Now it's Rita.  I don't know what else to say.  On CNN tonite Lou Dobbs was speaking to some ranking officer via satellite phone about some levees in New Orleans having been breached by the rising waters.  The officer replied that the levees had not been breached but in fact were "overtopped".  All this while a live image showed what looked like a levee with a whole in it big enough to park a Hummer lengthwise.

  If that's not enough here are some dictionary definitions.

Breach:

and

Overtopping:

Ok..so maybe Mr. Smarty Pants is a novice when it comes to engineering and the laws of physics but this looks like a fuckin' hole.  I may be wrong but i've seen holes before and this looks like one with a lot of water going through it.  Then again maybe the levee was overtopped. Like when you pour too much coffee in a cup.  Then you go "oops" and you wipe it up with a paper towel.  yeah.  And the Mets will make the Wild Card.

  FEMA showed video of all these trucks this morning packed with supplies and ready to go at a moments notice.  None of them had a driver or was moving or anything but FEMA did have the trucks ready to be sent in the opposite direction of any disaster as soon as the word was passed down through the tangle of bureaucrats and appointees.  And Mr. Bush has promised us that New Orleans will be rebuilt ($200 bil.) and the aftermath of Rita will be dealt with without raising taxes, cutting spending or giving up on the war in Iraq.

  It's like having David Copperfield as president.  Both are illusionists, use sleight of hand and misdirection.  Both have an entourage to assist in the deception.  But only one has had a magic act that will go on for a full eight years afterwhich we will be left behind in an empty theatre footing the bill.  And a blood soaked bill at that.

  Nice act.  But definitely not "Keeping it Real".

Big Brother 6: Why Janelle is America's choice.

  Yeah...she's goodlooking, she's a cocktail waitress, likes cosmetic surgery....etc.  She's also fucking smart.  Mr. Smarty Pants has always been a fan of women with big brains.  Something about how they look in jeans or a short skirt.  Anyhow...where was i..??  Ahh yes.  On todays episode the continuous whine you heard was that of April, Ivette, and Maggie bitching about how much better and more important and deserving people they were than Janelle.  The nerds have no idea why America keeps choosing Janelle over them time and time again.

  First of all the nerds don't even see their own hypocrisy, namecalling, constantly obsessing on bringing Janelle down.  Their attitudes in the game has been a cross of condescension and a superiority complex.  I remember April basically calling America stupid for a prior decision made towards Janelle.  After all April knows better than all of us.  And tonite they were bitching about how they all held "real" jobs and expressed real concerns and deserved better out of this game.  Excuse me..??  They are more important than anyone else..??  Where did they find these idiots.

  Don't the dumb bitches realize that only one will win..??  That in the end they will have to turn on each other if they want to go on in the game..??  And all for money mind you.  Money, money, money, money.....Changes everything.

  April needs to get laid.  That  was plainly  obvious.  Afterwhich she needs to be slapped in the face repeatedly.  Dating the same guy for 7 years..??  Holy shit.

  Maggie needs to get a life.  She also needs to get laid.  She was manipulative and has turned paranoid.  Mr. Smarty Pants loves seeing the downward spiral of the deserving.

  Ivette.  You shame me as a Latino.  Always crying, always feeling cheated because things were stacked against you.  The bullshit ghetto attitude that carries no weight without a gun behind it.  Disgusting.  So young and stupid.  You deserve nothing.  You cruised in this game.  And get over Cappie will ya..??  You think that little Nazi would back you up in the real world..??  Idiot.  Hope you go on Welfare.

  Janelle:

You go girl.

The Fox show "24" and it's implication that homosexuality is a threat to national security.

  Like the title..??  Yes Mr. Smarty Pants has been focusing alot on television.  It's fictional and reality shows.  Yes i can watch the Sci-Fi channel for fiction...but FOX has mastered the art as well.

I know...i know...there is so much going on in the world that deserves our attention...Iraq, Afghanistan, North Korea, Social Security, filibusters, United Airlines defaulting on pensions and the implications of this little action....i could go on and on.

But America needs a break.  Let's all just sit back on our sofa's...relax....have a Bud Lite.  Detach.  We aren't part of the "regular" world.  We're Americans.  Everything will be alright.  Trust me....we're in good hands. Deficit shmeficit...it's a myth.

Tonite on "24" there was an interesting twist in the show.  Ya i know the show has more twists than a twizzler...but there can never be enough twists.  After all...it's FOX.

Anyhoo...on "24" tonite....it turns out that the son of William Devane's character (James Heller) was involved in a gay relationship with a terrorist who's sole purpose was to implicate the poor boy and get use of his cell phone to contact his terrorist cohorts.  Not to mention the fact that James Heller didn't know his son was gay.  And based on his response to the news...you couldn't tell what worried him more; that his son is gay....or that there is a nuclear missile about to strike an American city in a matter of hours.

God save us from the gays and the nukes.

But seriously folks....what's next on "24".  Rumor has it that the terrorists are actually part of a larger movement of Muslim transvestites hoping to spread the idea of anonymous sex and free love to bring our nation to it's knees.

Hey...it could happen.

In the meantime...America....save your money....pay down your debt.  Ease off on the SUV's will ya..??  Retirement is now simply a word.  A myth...kinda like Godzilla...nice idea but ya know it's not real.  Unless your rich.

Hey...there's an idea...apply for some reality show, play the lottery, gamble, play the market, exploit your fellow man for profit, or woman for that matter.  If your lucky you may win Extreme Makeover home edition.

These are the things we have to pray for to advance our lives to a plane where there are no worries.
This and death.

Just so ya know....I'm an American.  I love this country though not what it's become.  I hope and pray that it will change for the better.  But being a human being and thus the ultimate survivor.....i won't hold my breath.

So.....some of you might be asking....."is Mr. Smarty Pants gay..??"  "is he some leftist radical..??"

Umm...no and yes.  Not that it's any of your business.

"The show 24 and the Right Wing conspiracy part 2" or "This is the Dawning of the world of Nefarious"

   As you all know...i do like the show "24".  And Jack Bauer was at it again exercising his ruthlessness.  And we here in the USA are loving it.  And hating it.  But as a "fictional" television show we let it slip by.  Easy to do with all these reality shows popping up on every channel.

  But the show "24" is unique.  It softens us up to the theory that the ends do justify the means.  Especially in this world of constant menace.  Mr. Smarty Pants believes that there are many messages that the show conveys be they subliminally or blatant.  Subliminal messages are for us smarty pants.  The blatant messages are for the many sheep.  Both are the same but designed to be understood and accepted by the nervous westerner.

  Here are the lessons of the show...."24"....tick tock....tick tock....tick tock....tick tock....

1)  The few can be sacrificed to save the many.  Whether you like it or not.  The government must survive.  So what you lose a few loved ones.  The President is safe.  There...feel better already.

2)  Torture is justifiable.  Even fashionable....if in the end...it saves the government.

3)  Deniability of acts of war is acceptable if....it saves the government and we can get away with it.  In the end it's for our own good ya know.  Preserve our sacred way of life....the way god meant it to be.

4)  Whatever you do....don't piss off the Chinese.  North Korea is ok...after all they're crazy.  But the Chinese...??  No.  Let sleeping dogs lie.

After all....Americans can live in a bubble.  Cover our eyes to the rest of the world while screaming "na na na na na na na na na" to make the "bad stuff" go away.

Thank God for television.  Otherwise we might actually be trying to communicate with one another.  is that a scary thought or what...??

On a lighter note....it seems that Dr. Pookie has found a wedding dress while shopping for one with my mom.  She is very excited about it as is my mom of course.  Mr. Smarty Pants has to start looking for some appropriate garb of his own.  Conservative yet pronounced.  I'll let ya know what happens.  I never heard of a groom fawning over his tux.  I'll try to keep up the tradition.  I just hope i still have hair by the big day.

We all have our priorities.

Why "The Apprentice" is racist, sexist, biased but not run by the KKK (Ku Klux Klan)

  Like the title..??  Mr. Smarty Pants hopes it will show up in more than a few searches.  About a year ago i sent an email to NBC (Nothing But Caucasian) basically stating that i thought "The Apprentice" was a show that excercised corporate racism at it's best.  I never got a response.  No surprise.  But then again...at the time i wasn't blogging.

  Another black face was eliminated today.  Leaving only 2 white faces...as is always the case.  Anyone ever notice that Mr. Trump has no people of color working for him on the show....???  Not even amongst the corporate sponsors who provide challenges is there one face of color.

  And unlike most of the other "reality" shows this is the only one where the winners are always chosen by an all white jury.  Oh really...??  I guess it is a somewhat accurate reflection of corporate America.

  Wake the fuck up America...!!!  Most of ya'll ain't white.  Am i the only one bothered by this..??
Bye the way...hasn't the donald...of late been more recognized by his business failures than his few successes..??

  Owning real estate doesn't mean you aren't a stupid asshole.  It simply means you own real estate and thus there will be those who will passionately kiss your stupid asshole.  Good for them.  Skanky lips and all.  Be well and stay the fuck away from me.

  Hey...i'm not even Black...i'm Puerto Rican...we barely show up on the radar anymore.  But i was an "apprentice" of mr. trump's while i was going to college.  I worked at the Wollman Rink in Central Park.  I emptied the garbage and cleaned the bathrooms.  I emptied tampon boxes and cleaned toilets; wheeling the refuse to a rat infested "bin" for a few cents above minimum wage.  I got to eat left overs from some of the parties he threw at the rink from time to time.  I bicycled to and from work even in winter snow from Queens just to save money.  And as they say on the show.....working for mr. trump was a life altering experience.  Made me realize how accurately the program depicts american business and success....

All White.

All the time.

Surprise...surprise.

Believe that....??

There's a bridge in Brooklyn i'm trying to unload.  Maybe you're interested.  Cash deal only.

Email me if interested.

The Amazing (human) Race

  Mr. Smarty Pants was quite suspicious of these so called "reality" programs which have proliferated over the years.  But nonetheless there are two that i watch regularly.  Yes.  I admit it.  Deal with it. 

  One is Survivor.  The other is The Amazing Race.  For the most part i'm not concerned with who wins in these particular shows.  I must admit that i also watch The Apprentice as well...but i dislike everyone on that program.  Everyone on that program is a bullshit artist willing to sell themselves and their loved ones into prostitution in order to work for The Donald.  A million bucks and an internship would not be enough money.  Indirectly...i worked for The Donald in one of his facilities while i was going to college.  I was a porter.  Cleaned toilets and stuff.  Emptied used tampon receptacles for minimum wage.  But...i worked for...The Donald.

  Wish i could be in serious debt and be wealthy all at once.  So far i've mastered the former skill....the latter has been thusfar.....a real bitch.

  Ok...i was sidetracked.  What the hell was Mr. Smarty Pants talking about to begin with..??

  Oh yeah....The Amazing Race.  The social interactions and motivations are...fascinating. Rob and Amber got written up in the New York Times recently as basically the couple America loves to hate.

  Yay for them.  Soon they shall reach their pinnacle in life.  Even Gandhi would be proud.  Did you know CBS plans to televise their marriage for some undisclosed sum..???

  Who says it doesn't pay to be a jerkoff...?  It makes up about 98% of capitalism.

  America has two new heroes.

  Personally Gretchen and Meredith have captured my heart.  Here is a 66 year old woman who scaled an ancient wall and rapelled down using rope ladders and rope beating Rob and Amber at their task.  I'm thinking one of the two oldies might stroke out in any one competition...but no.  They hang in.  God bless 'em.  Though i must admit...a stroke would definitely spark ratings.  Hey...Mr. Smarty Pants is not cruel...just realistic.  Maybe even a bit in your face.

If it makes you feel any better....maybe Rob or Amber will be the ones stroking out.  But that's not the case.  The Race has already happened.  A winner is at hand and no one has died.  Ok.

  But there is that wedding ya know.....

Payback's a bitch.

PS...hey everyone....War's on....who wants a full plate..?? 

The show "24" and the right wing conspiracy...or...i need to lay off the caffiene and get more sleep...

  Ok...Mr. Smarty Pants will avoid the usual news that has been bombarding us of late.

Now to the topic at hand.  I love the show "24".  Mr. Smarty Pants is a great fan of action shows/movies especially when well written and acted.  Not that this one is.  But it strikes at a core of fear which can only be American.  The show has been on for about 4 seasons.  And in 3 of the 4 seasons the "enemy" have consisted of middle easterners bent on destroying the United States and everything it stands for.  And every plot has consisted of some convoluted plan to harm Americans at home.  The equivalent to being kicked in the nuts.

Eww....gives me the chills.  Especially since it happened already....and maybe shall happen again.  But in any case the show is exciting and brings up scary scenarios which transcend mere fiction.

The protagonist is named Jack Bauer.  A haunted yet patriotic American who has basically lost his family and personal life to terror and of course his job as a counter terrorist exposes him to more of these dangers.

Thusfar it all seems quite formulaic.  But Jack breaks the mold in one particular fashion.  His ruthlessness.  Jack Bauer will do whatever he has to to defend his country.  he will lie and kill.  He will kidnap and threat.  He will sacrifice what he loves and he will torture for what he wants.  And we love it.  We understand it.  We rationalize it and i believe subconsciously  we accept it.  We accept the actions necessary to "defend" our nation.  After all our enemies are ruthless so we must be the same.

I really do like the program though Mr. Smarty Pants realizes it to be nothing more than high ratings propaganda.  And it's the FOX network so you know that it leans to the right.  My fear is that as usual...fictional dramas will translate into real life thinking thus perpetuating the mindset of fear and violence that seems to dominate this wonderful new millenium.

I do like the show a lot though.  It has that "no holds barred" action that many networks are afraid to replicate lest they offend someone.  As if they didn't do it already.

That said Mr. Smarty Pants wanted to start some rumors that will turn up on some search engines and thus spawn conspiracy theories.  Dontcha' love them..??

1) "24" is funded by the NSA.
2) Kiefer Sutherland is dating Jenna Bush.
3) George W. uses the script of "24" as the basis to his foreign policy.

Ok...we'll let those float around for a bit.

Yesterday Dr. Pookie and I met the priest and rabbi that will marry us.  We liked both of them so karmically all seems well.  Each one of them interviewed us for about an hour getting background on us and i guess assessing whether god will approve of our union.  Thusfar god seems to be ambivalent.

Yay...!

Just so ya know; if god were to be...lets say...not too crazy about the idea...it wouldn't change a thing.  Mr. Smarty Pants is in love.

Time for some toaster made french toast.  Love frozen technology.

Ciao...